For decades, centuries, even millennia – love and connection has been this mysterious force that is simply there… or not.
But is it?
Is it really all a mystery?
It feels like a mystery. It feels like something we just know when it’s there. It seems like the connection just exists or it doesn’t.
We seem to either have it… or we don’t. We don’t know why.
And as a result, we struggle. We struggle in the relationships that once held so much emotional bonding, security, and oneness. Where we once felt comfort and elation, we will find ourselves avoiding or attacking our partner.
We struggle with the loss – the loss of connection, love, intimacy, our best friend. It’s a loss of something that we once felt so deeply we thought no one would ever make us feel so complete and whole again.
Now it ranges from the mild, unsettling “eh..” to the boiling, eruptive downward spiral of frustration and disconnection.
So what if love wasn’t a mystery…
“In the last two decades social scientists have pretty much cracked the code of romantic love. Turns out that love is not some kind of weird morass of sex and sentiment that comes and goes mysteriously. It is an ancient, wired-in survival code designed to keep those you can depend on close..”
– Dr Sue Johnson
The Study that Proves the Science of Love
A new study was released that again proved the effectiveness of this developed approach to the deep bonds and communication of love. Melissa Burgess Moser PhD, Susan M. Johnson EdD, and their team published their astounding results in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. It’s just one in a line of studies on EFT methods.
This study showed how using the last two decades of scientific research and development, they were able to systematically affect the individual elements that form the love bond. EFT methods were applied, targeting the specific weaknesses that were breaking apart these couples.
“In our study in our Ottawa lab – in the chilly capital of Canada no less – we took 32 couples, and in only 20 or so hours, we were able to show them how to move out of despair and disconnection into the kinds of bonds we all dream about and long for. And these bonds were still alive and intact when we checked on them again two years later.”
What kind of difference are we talking about?
Maybe you can see a little of yourself in one of the couples, Terry and Tim, at the beginning of the study…
Terry: “He never talks. And we have zero connection. I don’t know why I stay. I am lonely and mad all the time.”
Tim: “Yep that is about right. All you do is complain and demand stuff from me and tell me how damned disappointing I am. So I just shut down and turn you off.”
Harsh, I know! But it happens all the time. Sometimes couples just stay silent and never do anything about it. They just slide down the downward spiral until there is literally nothing left to hang onto… or worse nothing but hatred.
Stories like this aren’t turned around by chance. Love isn’t ended or rekindled by chance.
It’s turned around by choice.
Repairing and Renewing Your Love
Targeting the specific love issues crippling their bond, communication, and relationship, they ended up very different:
“In just 20 weeks, we didn’t just change our problems. And we didn’t just fall back in love,” Terry confides, “We went to a whole new level. We never knew love could be like this.”
You may be thinking it sounds too good to be true. It is pretty amazing. Yet it happens, with this study proving it even after checking back in after 2 years.
Even the best relationships have the underlying problems that tear partners apart. When you fix them, you have something stronger and more powerful than it ever was… even in the hormones of the honeymoon phase.
When the excitement of those early days fade, you are left with what really defines your bond on a more powerful level. It’s a bond that serves your deep emotional needs, and those of your partner.
This bond can be built. And it can be repaired.
Renew Your Love and Connection Stronger than Ever with Hold Me Tight® Seattle or Portland
Get the tools to rebuild your own love bonds in a deeply experiential process that will leave you feeling immediate effects.
It’s a process where a couple develops the ability to come to each other…
- More emotionally open and accessible
- More tuned in and responsive to each other
- And deeply engaged
Dr Sue Johnson calls this being ARE.
In the process, couples learn to resolve the primary barriers between them that partners silently struggle with:
- The secret insecurity and anxiety of being abandoned or dismissed
- Feeling numb and denying the need for closeness, often defensively
Each partner becomes defensive, guarded, closed off. Their interaction devolves into The Spin Cycle – trapped in a constant destructive pattern that only escalates their strife, frustration, and disconnection.
These patterns break loving bonds chip by chip… sometimes for years.
Looking back, you probably experience some of these. You find yourself hitting the same wall over and over again with your partner. You find your partner, in turn, being unreceptive either through anger or by shutting down.
How do you break the cycle?
How do you repair and rebuild the bond with as strong a transformation as Terry and Tim and the others in this study?
- Together, you develop the ability to have Hold Me Tight® conversations.
- Together, you identify the key elements of love that are broken.
- Together, you reshape these elements to build the love bonds that create to deep, connected love.
Hold Me Tight® conversations enable couples to accept and explore their softer feelings with each other. They hear and accept their fears and longings. They find clarity and communication in a way they hadn’t been able to before. They develop the trust and connection to risk confiding in their partner and pull each other close.
Couples are able to resolve the fear, frustration, and destructive patterns pushing them away like opposite magnetic poles.
They come together again.
Everyone Needs a Little Help
Ideally, you work with someone to give you the right guidance to identify the broken links and help you repair and rebuild them. An EFT therapist will help you identify not only the problems that have bubbled up, but the problems that you didn’t know were there from the beginning.
The result is the kind of experience Terry and Tim had of having a stronger bond than they ever felt before.
Hold Me Tight® workshops are the perfect place to kickstart the process in a powerful and experiential way.
These workshops take this science of love and distill it into one deeply experiential process over the course of a weekend. You actively come together with your partner to learn and apply the tools and practices. You identify the elements missing from your love equation so you can rebuild them.
In the course of the workshop, you’ll be breaking down the barriers, the patterns, and the fears holding you apart. You’ll learn to communicate and trust, enabling you to find the connection, security, and bonds that are missing.
And that feeling you’ll feel – that is real love. Now we know the way.
Join us for Hold Me Tight® PNW to rekindle your bond »